i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dick very happy bro
Randomize