I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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