but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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