Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
