my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
