i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
