Pappa wants mamma naked
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
