so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
