Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
