Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
