1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
