They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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