Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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