I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
