Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
