For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
