At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
