Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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