So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
