Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
