i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
