i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
two words: eviction party
she pinky promised me she was 18
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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