WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
