i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
