I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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