i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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