Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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