respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
