A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
