you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
