I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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