You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
