Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
