hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
