I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
