ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Your topless pictures make me question reality
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
