Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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