DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
what day is it and did you see me today?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
