Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
