that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
