well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
