I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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