I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
