So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
