i was born a porn star she said
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
