i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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