i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
