you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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