have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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