Buhtt sex?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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